It took me a long time to figure out that we really do not manage anyone or anything. I mean to really peel back the layers of memories, assumptions and aspirations associated with this concept. In fact, it is a life long opening into the awareness of oneself and I am still on that journey. First I use to think that we do mange others because when one has children we teach them, guide them and generally make the lead in which they for the most part follow or create memories which become the basis for their future actions. However the catch is that we are vested in doing those actions. Teaching a lesson of sorts by setting up what we think is the best way to do something, complete something or learn something. These ideas come from how we were taught (or how we changed what we were taught or experienced because we deemed it not acceptable – etc.). What I am saying is we do things from our specific point of reference and how we project that reference onto others. While partly this is basically how life rolls there is something to say for being open to what exactly our point of reference is.(?). There was this old saying that in relationships (long term) having common goals, ideals and backgrounds is a great advantage. This makes sense to a specific degree because you are not so challenged on handling personal and social boundaries as well as belief’s. Not to worry there are plenty of other issues, life interruptions’ and such to bring about the underlining passion, pleasure and pains of melding two individuals into a long term relationship. But managing someone or molding them is basically an illusion or the laziness or inability to work on oneself. Oh that hurt! but I found it to be true.
As you define your own boundaries and walk your path with compassionate interactions a kind of empathic discernment begins to take hold. No longer sad, mad, pity, trying to make up, feeling guilty, suffering, and all the other emotions that keep the pattern going. You just speak your truth from the well desired silence you now give yourself and really begin to live. What the other person is choosing or doing no longer binds you yet you have a peace about what you can do and can not do or simply do not know. When you are truly focused on your own awareness you can see others differently view both bird’s eye and intensely close is your advantage. We really learn best by example what one see’s not necessary what one says. We love best when we do so without expectation but with a mutual acceptance. (that’s why we love our pets) LOL. For those that use manipulation on you for what ever reason it is important to ask yourself – am I looking for my happiness, love or support from you and if so why? Then say how can I get these things from myself, my own healing, my own healthy connections – because if you do then being drawn into deep manipulation tactics will almost impossible because you know that you need nothing from them (no emotional hold) And that is the most Freeing of all and that freedom stirs the greatest love.