Life Can Be a Mess with Issues – It’s ok, just keep going.

When I started my journey 2 decades ago I had no idea that I could make things so hard on myself.  I didn’t realize that clearing up all that karma and all those patterns of behavior would affect my whole life.  But it did and some others too.   I also didn’t realize how sometimes it would be so difficult to get out of my own way when making changes and dealing with my issues.  Our patterns can stick like glue and it is true that everything feeds us one way or another.  The beauty of being human is that hope and change are our constant companions. We can support others by our positive actions and by showing endless compassion.  We can make a difference no matter our past hurts, present situation, self-doubt or personal history. We can move forward with our daily lives, losses, and loves while clearing out our issues.  There are lots of perfect ideas few perfect persons.  Mistakes are part of learning and we all share the common ground of feeling useful, being supportive and

On this journey, I participated in and experienced many wellness modalities, use many technics and had many trials in relationships. Had a family, raised my son, went back to college, was given greater than imaged support from family and friends all while managing everyday life challenges.  Mistakes made plenty My experience is not really very different from others I also found a greater capacity for participating in the creative process.

Things I noticed.  While releasing one is gaining deep insights and naturally connecting to a creative well spring.  If you let this happen one can find that ideas, new talents, and interests spring forth.  I also noticed a different kind of connection to the surrounding and/or to others.  How this plays out will depend on many factors and one of them will depend upon your “issues” however this will present opportunities for clearing or what seems like panic.  Seek help from professionals (when needed) and be kind to yourself.  The journey itself is never ending but one’s focus can change if so directed.

Now, Let’s talk issues!  We all have them and many of us just move along in life with them; hoping no one will mind them too much.  Am I not right?  We hide them, lie about them, cover them up, blame others for them, ignore them or attract more of them.  When we work on them we become cranky, angry, hurt, suffer or resist.   “It’s human nature” they say.  “What you resists persists”. While we generally accept that we are more than the sum of our issues we know that on some level we made them or inherited them so let’s look at how we can chip away at them.

Slowly chipping away.   If you are like me and have decided to work on some of those issues then let me say this.  Good For You!  It’s not easy and it takes effort but it is worth it.  Here are my Fab Three:   Friends, Faith and Fearlessness.

Friends – I did not choose family because sometimes the closest in blood is not the best choice for your support process. You be the judge.  Family members being those usually the closest to us can be a great source of conflict until you are actually ready to forgive and start a fresh or in some case “love from a safe distance”.  The word friend is chosen because it removes the attachment component and naturally widens one’s acceptance for a compassionate based love.  Remember to be your own friend as thinking this way can help ease some of the self-doubt that may be kicking around in your mind.

Faith – which is used here in a very broad sense which is according to my online look up.  A belief and confidence in what we hope for and an assurance beyond that we may think ourselves.  Believing in something outside of your own mind and that gives solace, and deeper understand, compassion and empathy.   Religious and/or spiritual beliefs can spring forth solace and a deeper interconnectedness but positive actions must be taken to attune yourself for sustainability.  Relaxation, Release, Restructuring your thought process, and learning method in practice to foster Reconnecting within.       

Fearlessness – this is a big one because you need to take action which requires courage, knowledge, motivation.  Determine what motivates you to change and let it be something positive.  Gather courage from friends and faith and practice being out of you comfort zone.  It is perfect that you do not have all the answers or feel afraid just do not live there in your mind.  Get some training for yourself or learn how to relax, use activities to nurture yourself and build self-esteem.  Trust in your process and remember it is not likely you will get things done the first time.  It took me years to move through an issue but each time I got a little stronger and learned to listen to myself more and more.  

When dealing with issues the fab three was very helpful to me and I have no doubt there are many steps and  other tools for people to work with.  Find them and just keep moving forward.   You don’t have to spend a lot of money but you need to invest your time and energy into working on it.     ERP

I have left this writing with a personal example of some mind play that I had to work through.  It describes how I dealt with it initially.  Today while it pings me less and presents little to no trama/drama.  I am wise enough to know that everything is a process.  So Be.  ERP

 

Example and Story:  One of the things I realized was that some of my internal dialog was a pattern formed from issues out of my childhood (abandonment and daddy issues) and this needed to be address.  Saying things like: “if it were only this way” or “why can’t they be this way” or “why can’t they see things from my point of view”.   For me; this hit both my self-worth and abandonment issues.   I had to learn a new way of saying things about a situation and base it more on acceptance of others and self-responsibility.  I went through a series of feelings and actions to make the necessary changes.  First hurt.  Why me? Why are they hurting me? You don’t care about me? What’s wrong with me? Second Anger.  I don’t need you! Screw you! I’ll do what I want.  I’ll get even with you. There was a lot of projecting outwards but also there were some inward tidbits worth noticing.  Like why is everything about someone else’s actions?  When or why did I forget about me?  Am I communicating what I need or desire in a way that is clear and considerate?  These were big emotional foundations for me.

So I slowly and ever so painful began to work on these things.  I am not going to lie it took a long time and a lot of energy to make this shift of perception.  Or to put it on the line.  To speak up, to speak out and to stand up for myself with confidence.  I had to acknowledge the past hurts, past and present anger and release it while learning to work through the flight or fight feelings associated with it.  The goal was to move forward with acceptance all around and a deeper more profound sense of my own wellbeing.  Once you are making progress the next step becomes very real.  Living with the change and dealing with others who are not quite there yet.

The next step is to live by your new way of thinking and acting.  People may notice your change and react wildly, they may unfriend you or new friends may appear.  Your thinking changes so your relationships either  deepen or exit stage left.  Sometimes people even hang on to the way things were trying to pull you back into the same way.  I am not telling you these things to overwhelm you.  I am telling you these things because sometimes when you know what to expect you are better able to prepare yourself. After all these were your issues.  Others may need time to figure out a new way to react or hopefully act with you.    Good Luck!   Let the journey begin and may profound solace keep you moving forward with love and light.

Some thoughts to ponder.

  • Sometimes things just have to run the course
  • Changes in one’s perspective is the ultimate goal when dealing with issues
  • You need to leave space for events or people to remove themselves or introduce themselves
  • You need to work on yourself instead of others.
  • Wisdom needs time to be embraced
  • Acceptance needs grace
  • Relationships are crazy mad, crazy funny, crazy love and something;crazy I’m out of here. Crazy is a good thing.
  • How you let people treat you determines how they will treat you
  • In the end it is all up to you – and that is a good thing!

ERP

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